


Watch the Stars (Count the Fallen)

by CapGirlCanuck



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Also Bucky and Loki are more alike than people realize, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Bittersweet Ending, Brotherhood, Brothers, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Loss, Memories, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers & Thor Friendship, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Thor Is a Good Bro, Until further notice Loki is dead, also, because someone has to be dead, but it makes me really sad, via Two Steves Fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26149510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapGirlCanuck/pseuds/CapGirlCanuck
Summary: In the hush that follows the battle, two warriors sit under the stars and tell the stories of their brothers, the ones they loved more than life itself.Or:Steve and Thor have a conversation about their brothers, and find their stories aren't that different after all.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Steve Rogers & Thor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	Watch the Stars (Count the Fallen)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here's the first production from my two weeks of quarantine. I LOVE having all this time to write!!!  
> I've had this idea since two years ago, but somehow never got around to it, until three days ago I woke up thinking about Thor, and... this happened. I think it was first sparked by reading various people's thoughts about Loki and Thanos, and of course my mind jumped to see parallels to Steve and Bucky's story. I also just really enjoy Steve and Thor's friendship, but I was actually really uncertain about writing Thor, and I think that was largely what held me back from writing this sooner. This is my first time writing Thor, so I hope I did a good job!  
> The ending is canon compliant via the Two Steves fix-it. (Go ahead and ask if you're curious.)  
> Also, one thing I really enjoyed was including Thor's famous quote from the comics, the one that begins, "I have lived many ages of men, Steven..." The sort of thing I wish they had found a way to include in the movies somewhere. Oh, well. That means I got to do it!
> 
> My songs for this were:  
> 'Don't Forget Me' by Nathan Wagner  
> 'I Will Not Say Goodbye' by Danny Gokey  
> 'Hymn for the Missing' by Red  
> 'The Beauty and the Tragedy' by Trading Yesterday
> 
> All my love to my FoxholeSisters. I cannot tell you how happy I am to finally know how it feels to have your arms around me, and I also can't really express how much I miss it. Until next time!

“Steven?”

Like always now, he jerked his head toward the sound of his name, sucking in a deep breath at the same moment, because he wasn’t in the forest in Wakanda anymore… And see? It was a big man sitting in the shadow of a building, light glinting on his now mismatched eyes.

“Sorry,” he added. “I didn’t mean to alarm you.”

Steve shrugged, let his heartrate slow. “No. It’s alright.” He stood for a moment, looking over at Thor’s slumped posture, noting how the short hair and the jeans and t-shirt made him look a lot more ordinary than usual. Made him look like another worn out soldier. With a little sigh, Steve walked toward his friend, turned and sat down against the wall beside him.

For awhile there was only the sound of a breeze in the grass, drying the sweat on Steve’s forehead.

“Who was he?”

Once again, Steve hadn’t been able to sleep; every couple nights it would all catch up to him and he’d crash, but more often... He had spent the day in New York City again, trying to help even though he couldn’t, covering his hands in ash that might as well be blood.

“That man who called your name?”

So, he’d gone for a run instead, through the woods that surrounded the Avengers compound; moving fast and hard, trying to outrun the wind.

“If you don’t mind my asking. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Thor’s voice was a lot quieter than usual. They pretty much all were.

It was a week since Captain Carol Danvers had showed up; a woman who could shoot light from her hands, and fly through space. And it was a week since she left; to search for Tony, to search for Thanos, to search for… really anything.

Which meant it was now twelve days since Thanos had destroyed half the population of the universe with a snap of his fingers.

Steve tipped his head back and stared up into the sky, where a billion stars (he’d read somewhere that you could only see 5,000 with your naked eye, but he knew there were more, he _believed_ there were more) where a billion stars glowed and twinkled and shone.

Thor sat a few feet away, back against the wall of the hangar, knees pulled up to his chest, fiddling with a stem of grass, not looking at Steve. His question hung between them.

It sounded like something he’d been wanting to ask, but his manners had outweighed his curiosity. Until now.

_“Who was he? That man who called your name?”_

_“Steve?”_

It hit Steve then, hard, like a sledgehammer to his chest. And it hurt. He didn’t know why it hurt so much, why a cry balled up in his throat, why his eyes burned suddenly.

Because _of course_ Thor didn’t know about Bucky. Why would he? Steve had always been quiet and private about his search for his old friend, and then Thor had left after Ultron, and then… Why would Thor know who Bucky was?

And why did it hurt so much that he didn’t?

Words came.

“Bucky. Barnes. My best friend. My… brother.”

After a long pause: “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

Steve felt his lips twitch, as he replied. “Adopted. Unofficially.” Now it was his turn to pull his knees up to his chest, loop his arms around them. “After my mom died, he was my family. All I had.”

Thor nodded, but said nothing; his eyes now on the stars, but his head cocked so it was clear he was listening. Maybe, maybe Steve could tell the story, at least the short version, the facts.

“We fought in the war together. Led a team. Best man with a rifle I ever saw. And then one day we got attacked… on a train on the side of a mountain. And he protected me. But he…” A deep breath. “Fell.

“I thought he died.”

Thor huffed out a breath, and when Steve glanced over, he looked away. “That sounds familiar.”

Steve frowned, shaken out of his own memories, by the… understanding? in Thor’s tone. “How do you mean?”

“When I shattered the bridge, to stop Loki from destroying Jotunheim… he fell. Actually, he… let go.”

Steve heart clenched in his chest, just catching the way Thor’s voice choked over the last words. He had heard enough of Thor’s stories to know that ‘the bridge’ must mean the Rainbow Bridge that connected Asgard to all the other worlds, and Jotunheim was one of those worlds… but he had never heard this part about Loki.

“I thought he died. I thought he _wanted_ to be dead. And then I find him on Earth, running errands for Thanos, after _he_ did All-father only knows what to him.” Thor choked again, and he bowed his head, hands clenching into fists. Steve saw a few sparks dance around his knuckles, before Thor seemed to catch himself, and let his hands relax.

“Wait,” Steve whispered, his mind catching up with everything Thor had just said. Sure, they’d already been told by Bruce about Thanos being behind the attack on New York with the Chitauri, but… “Did you say Thanos _tortured_ your brother?”

This time the white flash was behind Thor’s eyes. Before he nodded. “He never told me exactly what was done to him, but the look in his eyes when he let that slip, was more than enough. He never wanted Midgard, not like that. He hated Thanos, but I think he feared him too. And he stood before that monster and named himself my brother, before–” Thor choked, and he let his head fall back against the concrete wall with a clunk. “A knife? Really?!” He shook his head. “You _stupid_ little brother,” he whispered to the sky.

The understanding wrenched painfully at Steve’s heart.

Steve had always liked Thor; they had always gotten along. (Well, aside from _‘Put the hammer down’_.) Though this was definitely the most personal conversation they had ever had, they’d become friends over the time they had spent taking down HYDRA and looking for Loki’s staff. (Though, he still felt a little guilty over the hammer business.) Thor was brave and bold and a warrior, the kind of man Steve could understand easily, even if he was from outer space. He was also funny, unafraid of speaking his mind or showing his emotions, and quite frankly, next to him, Steve didn’t feel weird at all. And sometimes, just sometimes, when he let himself get past hoping to dreaming, he had smiled at the idea of Bucky meeting Thor.

Bucky…

Loki…

Loki whom they had all easily labelled as the villain, the bad guy, the one out to cause damage and destruction. But from what Thor had just said… it sounded as if they had been wrong. Almost… almost like they were wrong about the Winter Soldier.

But one thing Steve knew beyond a shadow of a doubt: no matter how different they might have been or how often they fought, Thor loved his brother, deeply and without reservation

In the darkness, Steve’s hand found Thor’s shoulder.

“Why didn’t I move faster?” Thor choked out; Steve saw the glimmering streaks of tears sliding down his cheeks. “ _Why_ did I not see how _lost_ he was? I should have known, should have tried harder. If he had stayed– _If he had only stayed…”_

Steve was silent for several minutes, occasionally squeezing Thor’s shoulder comfortingly, as the other man regained control of his emotions.

“That all sounds familiar,” Steve finally murmured.

Thor took a long breath, let it out as he glanced over. “What?” he asked hoarsely.

“Bucky wasn’t dead.” Now it was Steve’s turn to tip his head back against the wall, staring past the stars. “HYDRA found him. The whole time I was buried in the ice they were… torturing him. Twisting him… breaking him. Making him into an assassin. He hates himself for what they made him do. I tell him he needs to forgive himself, that it wasn’t him, it was _them._ I think he’s starting to believe me.” Only as he spoke the last word did Steve remember… But he pushed it away, wanting to forget.

“After I woke up, after I found him, he didn’t know me. But then he did, and he saved me, and he got away from _them_. And he ran… from me. It was two years until I found him. And finally I… have…” Steve’s throat closed over the last of his words because… Because he’d lost Bucky before, he’d talked in the past tense before, and now-now…

He was gripping Thor’s shoulder, digging his fingers in as he fought back the storm of tears that threatened to break. No, he had had enough of that. Enough, because it wasn’t over, it _could not_ be over, they had to find a way, they _would_ find a way…

A large hand touched Steve’s own shoulder, settled there, warm and strong. “Breathe, my friend,” came Thor’s deep voice, still a bit hoarse but calming. “Don’t forget to breathe. It’s rather essential for living.”

After a moment Steve realized that he _was_ breathing, but in huge rough gasps, and, oh, shoot, there were hot tears sliding down his cheeks.

“Sometimes,” Steve choked out, “living… isn’t everything… it’s… cracked up to be.”

“True words, my friend, true words.” A moment of quiet. “I mean, just ask the stars. Burning shows that they are alive, but it is also the thing that brings about their deaths. And yet, we still call them beautiful, and are happy to see them in the sky.”

Thor spoke slowly, and thoughtfully, giving Steve the time and space he needed to gather himself, to bring his breathing back to something akin to normal. With a conscious effort he was able to relax against the wall again, finally letting go of Thor’s shoulder, muttering an apology.

Thor cut him off with a shake of his head, patting Steve’s back before he pulled his own hand away. “No no no, it’s alright.”

Steve rubbed his hand over his face, wiped his nose on his sleeve, closed his eyes.

He could hear the hum of the generators over at the main building; a distant explosion of quacking out on the river; frogs and insects, and the occasional bird, carrying on a whole lot of conversations. It was so quiet since all the staff had left.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and stared up into the stars.

“Do you know, I don’t even know how many times Loki has stabbed me. It’s his favourite pastime, after all.” Thor’s voice was lighter, bordering on fondly reminiscent. “I think we were seven or so the first time. But I can hardly remember now.”

It took Steve a second to process what his friend had just said, but when he did, he jerked his head around to frown at Thor. “Wait, did you say _‘stabbed’?_ You mean with a… knife.”

“Of course, with a knife. We were princes, we were taught how to defend ourselves from a young age. He always has a knife on him somewhere, they’re his favourite.”

A snort escaped Steve, before he closed his eyes and shook his head, laughing softly. Why was he actually _not_ surprised? Maybe because Thor called his brother the ‘god of mischief’, and stabbing his big brother just sounded like what Loki would call mischief. “Man. Your parents must have had a hell of time raising you two.”

“Yes, I suppose they did. Loki would stab me, and I would retaliate by trying to throw him off a tower. And then ten minutes later we would be running side by side, the best of friends again. He was my little brother, of course I never wanted to hurt him. Mother always told me to take care of him.” Thor was quiet for a moment. “Of course, he was my younger brother, so he always felt like he had to outdo me, somehow pull himself out of my shadow. At least in our father’s eyes.” He was looking down now, fingers absently shredding a seam in his jeans. “I could have told him it wasn’t like that for me.”

Steve couldn’t help shaking his head again, amazed at these stories, at seeing Thor and Loki as, well, people.

“You probably know, I wasn’t always like this,” Steve began quietly. “I was the scrawniest kid you’d ever meet. Bucky was strong, handsome, popular. Everyone liked him, wanted to be around him. Nobody wanted me. Except him. He was kind and funny and brave, and also a huge prankster. But he could always weasel his way out of trouble with that charm. Still...”

 _Oh, dear God…_ Steve had to close his eyes again, breathe deep. “And then,” he managed. “I got the serum, and things got switched around. Everyone wanted to talk to me instead, and he was never jealous… but I always told him I wished it could at least be equal. Because he deserves a lot more recognition than anyone has ever given him. The Bucky _I_ know.”

Thor must have sensed Steve faltering again, because he jumped in.

“One time when we younger, I don’t remember exactly how old, we were out in the garden with our father, and he was watching us spar. We fought each other a lot, because we were so different. I used force and strength, while he preferred cunning and deception. So it was good training. I had not yet received Mjolnir, and was carrying a light battle-axe. Well, we danced around each other for a while, with him practicing illusions of himself, and me practicing how to tell the difference.” There was a smile in his voice; he was settling into his storytelling, and Steve let himself just listen. “I’m still terrible at it.

“But, anyway, I had finally closed with him, the real him, and I was swinging my axe, and he was slashing with his knives, and then he did this thing where he practically bent himself double, and dove between my legs! I had wound up for a swing, and when my swing hit nothing, I fell flat on my face. That made me angry, because my father was watching, and…” Thor shrugged. “I knew I’d just looked like a fool. When I heard Loki laughing behind me, I spun to face him, and charged without thinking.

“Of course, it was one of his illusions, and I went right through it, headlong into the fountain! Lopping one of the stone dolphins off the edge with my axe along the way.”

Steve smiled, shaking his head again in amusement. “Bet your dad wasn’t happy about that.”

“Actually, he seemed more interested in the fact that I had been strong enough to do so, as well as break the axe.” Thor frowned slightly, but shrugged it off. “But dumping my goblet of wine over Loki’s head at supper that night was more satisfying revenge.”

“I remember one time,” Steve started quietly, “when we were down at the gym, and Bucky was teaching me how to fight. I won, and it was the first time I’d ever won. So, I asked him right away, as soon as he sat up from the mat. ‘Did you let me win?’ He said he didn’t, protested, but then he looked away a little too quickly, and I knew he was lying. So, I slammed my fist into his chest. It wasn’t hard, but it caught him off guard, and sat him down again.” A chuckle.

“I was mad, but I cooled down on the walk home. And I made him promise never to _let_ me beat him again.” Steve fell silent and stared at nothing, his mind replaying a sudden rush of memories, before he murmured, “I still haven’t beaten him.”

Again, there was a silence, but it was comfortable, with the stars as silent guardians. 

“Of course, he can be kind too,” Thor finally said. “Brave, generous, even gentle. Mostly just with Mother, but towards me as well. Once, when we were children, he was angry with me and stabbed me, as usual. But he nicked an artery and it bled a lot. Scared him. Of course, we are not mortal men, it takes far more than a little blood to seriously wound us. But it scared me too, and…”

“You both cried,” Steve filled in.

“He was very careful around me for days afterward, until I got fed up with him and cornered him in the dining hall. I told him I didn’t care if he stabbed me again, as long as he meant what he said about not wanting me to die.” In the shadows, Steve saw Thor’s eyes glistening, and was quiet for a moment, keeping something to himself.

Then: “Next time he went to stab me, I ducked.”

Steve gave another surprised laugh. “You know, you’re a good storyteller.”

“As are you, Steven.” Thor looked over with a ghost of a grin.

Steve huffed a sigh. “Seems like Loki wasn’t as bad a guy as we thought.”

“He is still guilty.” Thor shook his head. “Of pride and selfishness and cruelty. But I think we are all capable of those things. That is why we need others—friends, comrades, perhaps a lover—to keep us… in the light. Or at least closer to it.”

Steve found himself half-smiling, watching Thor’s face as he once again stared up into the stars. The heart of a warrior, the mind of a general, and the soul of a poet, apparently.

“And you would have gladly done that for him, if he’d only let you.” Steve reached to squeeze Thor’s shoulder lightly. Yeah, maybe it was a little cheesy, but it probably wasn't something Thor heard much, and the most important person to him wasn’t there to say it. So Steve would. “You’re a good brother, Thor.”

“No.” Thor was shaking his head at once, his breath catching in his throat, as his hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m not. Because I couldn’t save him. I let him _die…_ for me! Because I was too _weak_ to stand up to that- that _monster–_ ”

This time there was actual lightning dancing around the fingers that clenched around his legs, and Steve felt sudden tears prickling at the backs of his eyes.

“But isn’t dying for your brother a brother’s… duty? Even… a privilege?” he finished in a whisper. And he could see Bucky falling; could see Bucky staring down at him, metal fist raised; could feel Bucky’s arms around him; could hear Bucky calling his name…

Thor made no comment, whether of agreement or contradiction, so they simply sat there, leaning against the Avengers’ hangar, lost in the shadows of pain and loss. But at least they weren’t alone.

Stars were fading out, and the sky had lightened to grey in the east, by the time Steve noticed it. A bird, maybe a robin? burst into song in a tree nearby, and next to him Thor jerked, lifting his head.

“It always comes again,” Steve said softly. “Morning. You think it never will again and then it does.”

“Indeed.”

Thor sucked in a long breath, his shoulders coming back and straightening, before he placed one hand against the wall, and stood to his feet. He turned to offer Steve his hand, the motion so strongly reminiscent of a hundred soldiers he’d fought alongside, that Steve had to blink before he took it. As he brushed his pants off, Thor spoke quietly.

“And I suppose it is the other brother’s duty to avenge him.”

Steve looked at him for a long moment, something in him suddenly wishing… “But if we could get him back, with the others–”

“Yes, and then we could kill him together.” Thor’s smile was broken. “A nice thought.” He shook his head, staring up to where one bright star still shone in the east.

“No. Loki’s been dead before, or so I thought. But this time…” He swallowed hard. “My brother is gone to the halls of Valhalla, where he will wait for me. But your brother,” he turned to Steve and his eyes were fierce, but lit with a certain warmth as well. “Your brother still stands a chance. And if we can find a way to save them, then I promise you on my life, I will. Whatever it takes.”

It took Steve a minute before he could speak, and he clasped Thor’s hand with a fervent, “Thank you,” on his lips.

(It was five years.)

(Five years later when they stood under another morning star, with the past laid to rest behind them in the darkness.)

(And this time Bucky was standing beside Steve.)

(It was early in the morning after Tony’s funeral, after Steve had returned the stones, after the war had ended.)

(“It was an honor to meet you,” Bucky said, shaking his hand.)

(“And to meet you as well. Take care of your brother for me,” Thor added. “Don’t let him face down anymore Titans alone.”)

(Steve saw Bucky’s lips quirk at the use of the word ‘brother. “Oh, I will,” he said.)

(“Hey,” Steve protested. “That’s supposed to be Sam’s job now.”)

(Thor laughed, and grasped Steve’s hand. “I’m sure you’ll be alright.”)

(Steve smiled, and the sadness that tinged it wasn’t his own. Because he knew Thor was right. “How about you?” He nodded over Thor’s shoulder at the _Benatar_ sitting behind him, Rocket and his team already on board.)

(“As alright as I can be, I suppose.” Thor shrugged.)

(Steve hesitated, but the need to speak now was too strong. “Look, Thor. I’m sorry–”)

(Thor’s hand on his shoulder cut him off. “No,” Thor said quietly, shaking his head. “It’s alright. I made my own choices, and in the end, you did the thing that matters. You stood with me against our enemy, and we defeated him. I have lived many ages of men, Steven. Centuries without end. Or it feels like it anyway. I have seen many great men, and known countless honors. But the greatest honor of this ancient and tired soul has been the privilege of fighting beside you, and calling you my friend.”)

(It took Steve a minute before he could speak, and he felt a sense of déjà vu, as he gripped Thor’s hand, and stammered his thanks.)

(“No,” Thor shook his head again. “Thank _you.”_ )

(“He sure is wonderful, isn’t he?” Bucky interjected, stepping close to Steve to throw an arm around his shoulders, and grinning at Thor.)

(“Okay, stop it you two,” Steve sighed, shaking his head. But he was smiling again at Thor. “Just stop in and say 'Hi' every now and then, okay? If you ever want to talk, or swap stories… You know where to find me.”)

(“May the Brotherhood of the Hammers last forever, and all that,” Bucky joked, doing a not-so-terrible impression of Thor’s voice. “Technically a hammer and an axe,” he added.)

(And it was because of Bucky that Thor left laughing, that Steve was smiling as he put his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and they made their way back to the motorcycle Steve had parked by the road. The sun was rising, and above the stars had faded from view, but still they hung in each of their places across the universe, seen or unseen, and for every moment they had left, they burned on.)

_For I am finding out that love  
Will kill and save me  
Taking the dreams that made me up  
And tearing them away  
But the same love will take this heart  
That’s barely beating  
And fill it with hope beyond the stars  
Only love_

_-‘The Beauty and the Tragedy’ by Trading Yesterday_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and will leave kudos/comment. Comments especially make my day! ^_^  
> Regardless, hope y'all have a great day, and go hug someone you love, especially a brother or sister.


End file.
